‘Matt wait!’ I yelled after him, but it was no use, he was already off the bus. I turned to
Dan, who looked just as shocked as I was.
“Well, Derek what the fuck are you waiting for?”
“Dude, go talk to him.”
“I…uh…where is…where…did…he gone?” What the hell is wrong with me? I can’t
even form a coherent sentence, how am I supposed to talk to him?
Dan just laughed at me.
“First of all, Derek if you’re ever gonna tell him how you feel about this, you’re going to
need to speak English. And second, I have no idea where he is, you know just as well as I
I nodded and walked off the bus.
Okay, first, I need to think of what to tell him…I choked on my tongue and that’s why I
couldn’t talk…no idiot that’s no good. Uh, Matt? I just want you to know that I accept
what you’re saying but…dammit. I can’t talk to him if I don’t even know how I feel.
Well, first, he’s my best friend. If I tell him I wanna try dating him, well that could
interfere with the band, and it might make things awkward around Daniel. And what if
we break up? We wouldn’t be able to be in a band together. But if I say we can’t be
together, his heart will be broken and probably won’t be his usual self. And what if he
can’t take it and quits the band? Great, it’s catch 22, I’m damned if I do, and I’m damned
if I don’t.
Whoa, what’s that? It looks like some sort of…wait! Is that Matt?
“Matt!” I yelled and began to run towards him. Shit he’s crying. I made him cry.
“God, I’m such a shit head.” I sat down next to Matt on the curb.
Matt just turned his head away.
“I…Matt…I should have…have talked before…but I…” Ah! What’s wrong with me?
Come one Derek, English!
“No, Derek, I’m sorry I ever said anything. I’m the shit head. I’ve fucked us up now.” He
wiped his hand over his eyes and sniffled.
“Okay just…just breathe De-erek.” Great. Now on top of my inability to speak, my voice
He chuckled. Well at least I lightened the mood a bit.
“Look at us Derek, we’re so…”
“…Gay?” I offered. He laughed.
Okay Derek go for it. Tell him everything you thought before about the whole catch 22
thing. He’ll understand.
“Matt…I…I need to…dammit Matt my brain’s on overload and I can’t even speak
properly!” Whoa where did that come from? Ah! Derek now! While you can still talk!
“Okay Matt, I just want you to know that I’m sorry and I should have said something
before but I was in total shock and I thought about what I wanted to tell you but I don’t
even really know how I feel and it’s catch 22 you know? We’re damned if we try this,
and we’re damned if we don’t because what if it doesn’t work out and it gets awkward-“
“Whoa Derek, whoa. Slow down. Just, can we maybe try this? I mean, I don’t want to
force you into anything, but we’re best friends. I think we could make it work…”
I froze. Super! First I can’t open my mouth, then I can’t form a proper sentence, then my
voice cracks, then I rant on and on about something that doesn’t make sense…and now
I’m frozen, staring at Matt.
I study his facial features, his hair, to his eyes, to his nose, down to his jaw line, and I’m
starting to think about things I’ve never thought about him before. He really is attractive,
and he’s sweet, funny, caring, and I can’t believe I didn’t notice before.
My body is beginning to overpower me. I feel myself reach under his chin, lifting it and
turning him slightly towards me. I lean over and press my lips to his, and it’s like an
explosion. Like fireworks, it has the most amazing feeling. It feels so…perfect.
I pull away and slowly open my eyes. He’s staring into mine, his eyes glossy with tears.
“You…you really wanna…try…try me? I mean us, I mean…this? You wanna-“
I get a huge grin on my face.
“Now who’s the one that can’t talk?”
We laugh a little and he stands up, reaching his hand to me. I take it and he helps me up.
He pulls me into a warm embrace, and I suddenly feel so safe, and wanted.
“Thank you” He whispers in my ear and I smile. Maybe this really is gonna work out.